About Home And Family

Don't you just hate it when you follow a recipe to the letter and when the bread baking is finished the bread not only looks nothing like the recipe book's picture, but tastes terrible as well?

There is no denying that bread baking as with baking anything is a delicate process.

Bread baking involves so many things that first time bakers are often discouraged after a few failed attempts to turn out professional looking and tasting loaves.

Little do they realize that if they only possessed the professional Baker's secrets bread baking would be so easy that the bread would practically make itself!

For instance: How many amateur bakers know the secret to keeping bread from sticking to the pan every time?

None! So when they try their hand at bread baking for the first time their bread sticks to the bread pan, and ends up a crumbled mess if they try to force it out.

Then they cry and give up thinking that the problem lies with them.

The shocking truth is that it doesn't!

The problem lies with their lack of knowledge of THE baker's bread baking secret.

The secret professional chefs and bakers won't tell you, the secret they guard so jealously.

My father happened to learn this bread baking secret in his younger baking days (which is no surprise since his great great grandfather was a chef for the White House and owned his own bakery) and has passed it on to his children ever since.

Okay, okay, I know you're probably screaming at me by now "Beth, get on with it! Tell us the bread baking secret already!"

So here it is; You will need only one tool besides for the oil and bread pan you already have, and that is quite simply cornmeal (you shouldn't need more than 1/4 to 1/2 cup for two loaves of bread).

"Cornmeal?" you ask doubtfully. "YES, cornmeal!"

No, you do not add the cornmeal to the bread ingredients! That is not the bread baking secret.

What you do is you oil your pan as usual, and you lightly sprinkle cornmeal on all of the sides and bottom inside of the bread pan.

Now you can safely place your bread dough into the pans without fear of it sticking to them.

While your bread is baking, instead of sticking to the pan, your bread will stick to the cornmeal and slide easily out of the pan when done baking.

You may need to use a butter knife and slide it in between the pan and the bread before turning the pan over and allowing your bread to pop out.

A lot of the time this will be unnecessary however and your bread will pop out just by your turning the bread pan upside down.

You will probably also want to use the butter knife to scrape the excess cornmeal off the bottom and sides of the bread as you may not care for the taste of cornmeal.

This bread baking secret will work whether you're baking a batter bread or a rising bread (also called yeast bread). I personally use it for both.

Here is another treasured bread baking secret, this one only for batter breads:

On the last ten minutes of its baking time cover the bread pan containing the batter bread with another bread pan (a steel bread pan works best), and leave it on until the bread is finished baking.

This will keep the batter bread from burning or becoming too hard on top. You may vary the time you leave the steel bread pan on according to how your batter bread usually looks when it is finished.

If it is a very dark brown on top and difficult to slice because the top is so hard, then 20 minutes will work best. But if it is just a little too hard on top and a little too brown the 10 minutes should suffice.

Do not cover the bread at all if it usually comes out golden and soft on top after the baking is completed.

You may also glaze a batter bread on top with a tablespoon of melted butter mixed with a tablespoon of honey, and sprinkle some flaked coconut or sliced nuts on top of that.

To glaze you start by taking the bread out of the oven five minutes before the required baking time is finished, then spread the butter/honey mixture on top of the bread, sprinkle on your coconut or chopped nuts and bake for the remaining 5 minutes.

Here is another useful bread baking tip for rising breads:

If your bread loaves over rise (say because you were busy and forgot about them), then you can use a pair of scissors to cut off the excess sides, being careful not to cut any dough from off of the top.

You may then use this excess dough to make rolls. You simply oil a pizza or cookie sheet and form the dough into several small balls.

Rise them for another half hour and then bake on 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown.

Do yourself a favor and put these tried and tested bread baking secrets immediately to use in your kitchen, and your family will rave over the results.

Planning a baby shower for the expectant mother in your life is incredibly exciting and lots of fun. However, planning a baby shower can also be time consuming, and it can be hard to get everything done in the time allotted.

One of the most important things that must be attended to is choosing the best invites to let everyone know of the upcoming celebration of life.

==The Baby Shower Invitations Are The Key ==

After all, in a way the invitations to the party are the key to everything else involved in the shower. After all, if no one knows about the party, no one will be able to attend.

Luckily, there are so many kinds of invitations for baby showers that it should be fairly easy to find one that is right for you.

==Picking Appropriate Baby Shower Invitations ==

Invitations to a baby shower can be as simple or as fancy as you want to make them. It is important to choose a invites that is appropriate to the style of the mother to be.

==The Internet ==

One place to start the search for the best invitations to any baby shower is on the internet. The internet is a great way to search for hundreds of different invitations in a very short period of time.

There are a number of web sites that are dedicated to planning, and they often have some excellent resources for invitations to your baby shower. In addition, there are a number of online printers with their own web sites, and they often have a number of excellent sample invites for you to choose from.

== Your Local Print Shop And Office Supply Store ==

If you would rather choose the local flavor for your invites, chances are your local print shop or office supply store has a good selection of invitations that would be perfect for any baby shower.

== Print Your Own Invitations ==

Another great option is to print your own invitations to the party. There are a number of kits, available at both local office supply and software stores and on the internet, which allow you to create beautiful invitations using only your home computer and your deskjet printer.

Just be sure to buy plenty of ink for your printer. Printing your own invitations gives you a great amount of freedom and allows you to be extremely creative when creating and printing those invitations.

When you first saw the pink plus sign on your pregnancy stick, what were your expectations of motherhood?

Did you expect that being a mom would instantly be a natural, bonding experience?

Did you expect to be constantly overjoyed and completely fulfilled being a full-time stay- at-home-mom?

Did you expect you'd be able to figure out how to balance your work life and home life without any struggles?

Did you expect that you'd actually know what you were doing?

In most cases, if a mom is unhappy somewhere in motherhood, her expectations are way too high. Think about all the roles you play; mom, wife, daughter, friend, cook, caregiver, chauffeur, housekeeper, employee, just to name a few.

Moms today are expected to do it all and they think they should love every minute of it. If it doesn't always turn out that way, they feel let down, guilty or unhappy. Cut yourself some slack, moms! It's hard to make the transition to motherhood. Most modern moms had a career before they became a mom. They spent money on education, time on building a career and then either put it on hold or gave it up completely when the kids were born. While you love being a mom, for some, it's hard to let all of that go. You had an identity back then and a strong sense of who you were.

There's also a tremendous amount of pressure moms put on themselves. They try to be perfect while living up to the expectations that have been put on them. This almost always leads to disappointment because you can't reach the unattainable. Perfect doesn't exist. Especially when it comes to motherhood.

The key to surviving motherhood is to get realistic. Here are 6 ways you can start.

1) Embrace your imperfections and allow yourself to be human. Give yourself a break! Learn from your mistakes and find ways to improve the things that don't come naturally to you. Focus on what you're really good at and rediscover your sense of humor. Remember, if things don't work out the way you planned, it's usually a funny story.

2) Redefine motherhood. Create your own realistic definition of what motherhood means to you. Take out the stuff that doesn't fit in your world and introduce new ways of doing things that jive with your personality and values.

3) Nurture all the roles you play. Be a mom, a wife, a career woman and whoever else you want to be. But don't define yourself in one role or give all your energy to just one area. You'll burn out and neglect the other wonderful parts of who you are and all you have to offer.

4) Stop trying to be Supermom. She doesn't exist! The sooner moms stop comparing, judging and envying each other, the sooner we'll all embrace who we are as individuals. No one is perfect even when it looks like it on the outside. If you still feel inferior to that mom who always looks so put together, I guarantee she hates having to get her roots done every 3 weeks.

5) Be who you are regardless of what others may think. Be strong, courageous and dare to be different. Be honest and do what feels right for you and your family. If others have a problem with it, realize it's their problem and they are just jealous that they don't have the strength to go against the grain.

6) Accept that you won't please everyone. If you're working and you can't be at every field trip your child has, be OK with that. It will mean more when you can attend. Make a commitment to let go of guilt and learn to say no.

Action Challenge:

It's time to alter your expectations and get real. Make a list of every expectation you have of yourself.

Now take a look at your list and ask yourself:

· If I could get rid of one stressful thing in my day what would it be?
· If I had one more hour in my day, what would I do with that time?
· Which of my expectations are optional and which ones have to stay?

Prioritize your list and mark off the expectations that have the lowest value to you. For example, making a healthy meal may be a high priority, but cleaning the kitchen right away can wait so you can spend time with your kids.

Revisit the things on your list that you think you can't change. For example, is it really impossible to hire help a few days a week? You may not think you have the money for it but the extra time it allows you will be invaluable.

Ease into this new life of realistic expectations. Try it for one week and see how you feel. It's time to motherhood the incredible experience you always expected it to be.

Carly Cooper is a life coach, speaker and author of Balance the Mother Load: R.E.I.N.V.E.N.T. Your Life in Just 8 Weeks! She served as the National Mom Ambassador for Living Well, a Johnson and Johnson initiative, is a workshop and seminar facilitator for Shepell fgi and has been interviewed in various magazine publications and TV and radio shows

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take."

- Cardinal Mermillod

The crux of feminist theory is the concept of the family. The family is the building block of the society and social scientists over the ages have designated the role of holding this unit together on women. This has not gone down well with the fighters of women's rights. They have objected strongly to this as derogatory to the independence of the woman. They have also stressed on the necessary of economic independence for the woman to raise her voice against male oppression. In the modern age, women have been able to throw off the shackles to a large extent. However, if a woman herself chooses to stay at home and raise a family?

Female students have a general tendency to work after they complete their education. If someone chooses a family life within the confines of a home, her peers may take it to be a rather timid and obsolete choice. I feel it's the choice of the individual that matters. If she chooses to be a wife and mother at home, we cannot jeer at her decision. Nor must we feel that she lacks in ability to go out there and rub shoulders with the competitive, inconsiderate world.

A mother staying at home has to take stock of a lot of things. She makes sure that the family wheel stays well lubricated. She helps her husband and children go out for work or education. She keeps them well fed. She takes care of their things and makes sure they are there at hand when needed. She takes care of the bills and other expenditures. She takes care of the finances and plans her savings according to the income of the household. So she does everything that an office manager would be doing. The difference is tat she is doing it on a microcosmic scale, but that does not talk lowly of her efficiency.

There lies another difference too. She does it out of love. The problem arises if her family does not appreciate that love and caring. That is where feminists who are against women staying at home have a problem. The lack of economic independence does compromise her position. Mothers have it particularly difficult if the father is not responsible to the children. Many mothers stay put at home in a loveless marriage for the sake of their children just because they do not have the means to step out of the threshold of stability and security. She has to bear the consequences of not earning a living.

It is very difficult to conclude which path is the best for a mother. It depends on individual calling. Homemakers need not be totally devoid of earnings today. They can do a lot of free lancing work from home which will take care of their expenditures, even if their first priority is the family. What we can do is to empathize with our mothers who are homemakers as they deserve all the appreciation that you can possibly assimilate. What we can also do is respect the sacrifice of love that they have undergone to make us have a better life.

As a new mom there are many challenges we have to go through that we didn't expect while we were pregnant. There is so much information our there designed to tell us how to take care of ourselves while we're pregnant, but as soon as junior arrives all the guidance and support is for them and our own needs falls on the back-burner.

Giving birth changes our lives in millions of little ways. Good sleep is often a distant memory, our bodies are turned upside down, and our emotions are taken for a joy-ride on a rollercoaster....just to mention a few things. And it is not as if we have a lot of time on our hands to deal with the big changes. Now we have this beautiful little person to take care of, so we are hardly going to have much spare energy or time to take care of ourselves.

These are just 5 of the common challenges new moms face and some ideas for getting around them:

Taking Care of Your Own Needs

When we hit mommy mode everything we do is for our baby who is dependent on us for everything. We often wrap ourselves up in taking care of baby and forget to take care of ourselves. This causes many new moms to start to lose their sense of who they are and they can feel resentful about being at home, or even towards their baby for being so helpless. It crucial to schedule regular time each day to do something for yourself (even if it's only for 10 minutes). This could be taking time to shower and do your hair, meditate, do some walking or other exercise, or simply sit and write in your journal. Putting in the effort to take the time to do something for yourself that makes you feel good will keep you from getting burnt out or overwhelmed.

Feeling Sexy

After you've had a baby the changes that your body has gone through within the last 40 weeks takes its toll. Stretch marks, extra fat deposits, sore breasts that have changed in size, all of these things can make it difficult for you to feel sexy. Many women worry that their husband is going to look at them differently and that he won't feel the same way about them. It is important to discuss these feelings with your husband and at the same time not put too much pressure on yourself. You need to remember that you can't expect your relationship between you and your husband to be exactly the same after you gave birth as it was before hand. Both of you have changed through this process and you have a new life that you're responsible for. It can take time to get to know each other once again. One simple way of rekindling the flames of your relationship is to start regular dating again - time alone for just the two of you. Don't forget, your body will heal itself over time and you will have the power to be as sexy and feminine as you want.

Getting Back Into Shape

It can be rather disturbing when you give birth to your baby and your weight doesn't immediately drop off. For some new moms this is really upsetting. One of the biggest mistakes that women make is to try crash diets, intensive exercise, or anything else they can think of to lose their pregnancy weight within the first two months after the birth of their child. This isn't realistic, it took 40 weeks to get into this shape, and it is going to take time to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight. You need to keep in mind that nature created the process of childbirth to ensure you have the energy to take care of your baby and yourself throughout the next year - in this regard the additional fat deposits and bigger breasts are crucial. It will take time for your body to get back into shape. You need to exercise cautiously and avoid any intensive exercise which might cause injury during the first few months.

Lack of Sleep

All new moms experience a lack of sleep during the first few months. Some babies will follow a schedule at a young age and start sleeping at night. Other babies will wake you up every hour for the first six months. Feeling completely worn out due to lack of sleep can cause a lot of problems for new moms. It's important to put things into perspective. You know that you're going to have a few months of added responsibility and reduced sleep. If you remind yourself that this time will pass quickly and understand that this experience will help you grow as a person, it is less likely to overwhelm you. Focus on the gift of having a baby and try to get support from family and friends to help you get snatches of sleep through the day when they can baby-sit. Simply changing your focus will help you to get through this period of time with much less stress.

Inability to Take a Timeout

The last big issue that moms run into is an inability to take time out. Once you become a mom you're always a mom, 24 hours a day seven days a week. It's a full-time job, night and day, and sometimes it's hard to be able to take time away from your baby to do something fun for yourself. You need to trust your husband, parents, or baby sitter with your baby for short periods of time, so that you can take time out. When you become a mom, it is crucial that you don't forget what your passions are. Too many moms put their hobbies and interests completely on the back-burner. So whether it is hanging out with girl friends, going to a movie, reading a book, or going shopping, don't let your own need for interesting and fun activities fall to the way-side.

How often do you think of family life as an adventure or delightful experience? If you and your children are having a good day, then you might buy into this idea. However, many of you are probably laughing hysterically now. What is delightful about the children fighting for the umpteenth time today? Sometimes I bet your family life feels like a jungle with screeching and swinging monkeys.

It can be all too easy to get caught up in trying to control what is happening in the home instead of enjoying what is. God blessed us with beautiful children and we are most in touch with that precious love when the house is quiet and we watch them peacefully sleeping. So how can we connect to that love and enjoyment in the midst of family life?

Spend Quality Time with your Children

Spending quality time with children requires your full and undivided attention. Oftentimes moms are so busy trying to manage everything that we have one ear to the children and our mind on a million other things. Our children talk to us and we say "uh huh" without really hearing them. We take them to their games, lessons, etc. but how much do we really interact with them? To be delighted by your children, you need to be fully connected to them. You need to listen and marvel at how truly wonderful they are. Participate in activities they love. Relish their laughter and their unique personalities. It won't be long before your children are grown and gone from the house.

Understand Each Developmental Stage

To really enjoy your children, you need to understand who they are and what they are going through. The journey of a child to adulthood is filled with a multitude of changes. It is helpful to get inside your child's shoes by learning about the various stages of development. For instance, the other day I stripped my 3-1/2 year to get him ready for his bath. I said, "Come on, it's time for your bath." He looked at me with the meanest face he could muster and said, "NO!" It is much easier to deal with the defiance if you know that a 3 year olds' mission is to exert his independence. Here's this little guy wanting to grow up and be independent, but he knows deep down, he is still dependent on mom, and he doesn't like that. So I picked him up and held him in front of the mirror. He exercised his most defiant no over and over until he started laughing. Each stage of life, from infant to young adult, brings new behaviors and new growth. Educate yourself so you know what to expect from your child. Sometimes just understanding that your child is "normal" will help you relax as a mother.

Don't Be Afraid to Discipline

No one likes being around an unruly child. Children with a lack of discipline make motherhood stressful and less than pleasurable. Our job as mothers is to raise respectful, productive and loving adults. In order to do this, we need to teach our children boundaries. They need to know what acceptable and unacceptable behavior is. You have to set limits and avoid setting up a child-centered family. Children need to understand they are a part of a family and each individual has their own needs. Help them work together with other family members to create a peaceful and loving environment. An effective and disciplined family unit is truly a wonderful adventure.

Be Intentional about Motherhood

What would make motherhood more enjoyable for you? Take the time to reflect on what needs to change in your family to increase the level of enjoyment for you. Be intentional about those changes. Maybe you want to make time to take care of yourself as a mother. Perhaps you long to be a more consistent parent. This month I am focusing on encouraging independence in my family. My motto is "everyone will do what they are capable of doing for themselves." Not only does this teach my children valuable skills, it frees me from unnecessary responsibility and gives me more time to be with my family. Setting intentions help you create a life you love.

Keep a Positive Reflection Journal

How do you want to see your children and your family life? Do you want to see motherhood as challenging or delightful? If you focus on the undesirable aspects of your family, then that is the experience you will create. If however, you can concentrate on the positive qualities of your children and your journey, you will create a rewarding family life. At the end of every day, take the time to record in a journal all the positive things your children said or did that day. Reflect on all the fun you had that day. Notice the wonderful qualities of each person in your family. And on your bad days when you find yourself wondering why on earth you ever decided to have children, pull out your journal and remind yourself what a truly amazing journey you are on.

1. Be open to listening, your son has something valid he wants to say

'They say', we have two ears and one mouth for a reason, to speak more than we listen. Sometimes as moms we get wrapped up in our busy lives and forget (not deliberately) that our sons are there and they need us to listen to them. Not just listen to the words they use but listen to what is behind the words. Say, for example you are on your way out, perhaps to the shops, perhaps to the internet café etc and your son says to you, 'mom are you going out?' It's usually obvious to both of you that you are going out - what is he really asking though? Perhaps he's saying, 'mom, I don't want you to go, or mom', 'I'd like to talk to you', or 'mom, something is bothering me - what do you think'?

What do you do? You know you are in a hurry. You really don't have time to talk at that time. It's really about choices - how important is what you have to do? Does it have to be done in that moment? If not, that's fine, you might perhaps make the choice to act flexibly enough to stop and talk to your son.

If you really do need to pay attention to something else and not to him in that moment - then just say very clearly, you know what he has to say is important and you would like to talk to him. Agree a time to have that conversation where your attention is not so divided.

In listening to your son, it is so important to be aware if you have lots of other things going on in your mind at the same time and to ask the question - to what extent am I really listening? If you notice you have a lot of verbal traffic in your head, it would be useful to make a conscious decision to deal with those other matters later. Our children know when we are not listening to them. Listen, consciously and aware, with good eye contact, perhaps sitting down or walking and talking and focusing just on him in that moment. He'll really appreciate it.

Listening to him, without interrupting and putting your own thoughts and views in is a real skill that is great to develop. Sometimes that's all they need is a listening ear.

2. Encourage talking

I think encouraging our sons to talk is a good skill for us as moms to develop. We live in societies often times where males are not necessarily encouraged to talk and not encouraged to talk about their feelings.

Here are some ways to encourage your son to talk:

o Ask him what he is thinking and how he is feeling
o Let him know that what he has to say is important.

Some of the ways to do this is:

o To tell him what he has to say is important to you and others.
o When he says something, use what he says in the conversation. If for example he is talking about one of his hobbies, and he talks about how much he is enjoying it, you may acknowledge that you really hear and appreciate that he is loving his hobby (obviously you would use the language that most suites your style of speaking)

o Use of non-verbal cues, such as nodding your head, voice volume (e.g. soft and welcoming), smiling (as apposed to frowning), gentle hand gestures (as opposed to sudden startling ones), be aware if you are feeling relaxed or stressed - this may leak out in the form of your body language (open or closed) - open, for example, with your arms uncrossed and closed may be the opposite.
o Use age appropriate language
o Let your son finish his sentence
o Don't finish his sentences for him

3. Avoid one way conversations, really sit and listen to your son

One way conversations with you in the driving seat isn't really a good idea.

I guess to some extent we've all had these types conversations where someone is literally boring your to death and you're there physically but not mentally - and in that way you switch off. Well you know this is exactly what your son will be doing if you engage in monologue as opposed to dialogue.

Here are some things you want to avoid when you are 'listening' to your son:
Talking at him, that could be considered a form of preaching, asking 'why' all the time which could be seen as interrogating, making judgements about what he is saying particularly if those judgements are not deemed as helpful by him, and so the list continues.

Sitting and listening to your son, does mean not getting caught up in distractions; it means maintaining good eye contact, repeating back to him some of the things he has said so that he knows he has been heard, this will also enable him to let you know if you've got what he said slightly wrong and so you might listen even more closely.

4. Ask open questions and listen for the answer

Open questions - who, what, when, why, where and how...

In starting communication with these words this will often lead to increased conversation and a willingness to maintain a dialogue. They enable the speaker to have an idea that the listener really wants to listen and is interested in what is being said.

It's difficult to give a yes or no answer using these words and that is the beauty of them. The speaker is encouraged to think through and elaborate on ideas etc.

5. Develop mutual trust

Developing a mutual trust really does come from having a mutual respect between you and your son, one that is based on love, caring, sharing and understanding. Mutual trust is developed through recognition that even if there are disagreements about what is being said; those disagreements will not spill over into name-calling, sneering, and put-downs etc.

Mutual respect is built up over time and is ongoing. At its heart is a sense of justice; a sense that your son has been treated fairly, openly and honestly. This will pay huge dividends in the long run.